What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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