Having a random hookup so left but love u
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
