i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
