omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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