sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dignity is for republicans.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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