I'm jealous of your bromance
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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