is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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