i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
