Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
