she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
