hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
