Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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