i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
