would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
