New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
