yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
