That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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