Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
