Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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