I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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