i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
