My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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