Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
