Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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