Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
