I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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