Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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