You really coming over, don't trick.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
