i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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