I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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