all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
