apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize