She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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