Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
