first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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