i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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