I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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