I'm eating all of the evidence.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize