just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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