If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
