i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You left your phone here
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