Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize