So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize