she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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