you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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