remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How does it feel to date your dad?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
