Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize