yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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