this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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