we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
last night I used snow as a chaser
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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