Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
All the doctor said was why
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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