I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
