so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
