i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
