He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize