you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
