Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
