I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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