I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
