the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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