whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
