Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
