I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just gargled with NyQuil
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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