hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
